What got us here?

7 July 2024

I’m not sure anyone would have expected our lives to take this turn - least of all us! Dan has a thriving development business, and I'm a qualified teacher turned stay-at-home mum, happily juggling part-time work while taking care of the kids and running around after the dogs. A few years ago we decided to take on a massive house project with dreams of transforming it into a chaotic yet cosy home for our crazy crew, a bunch of extra dogs running around, and who knows, maybe even a mini-farm in the back garden. The next five years were pretty set.

Then Phoebe started at secondary school and it was like a tornado had hit our peaceful little world. We were totally unprepared for the rollercoaster ride that awaited us. She was struggling to keep up and her behaviour and academics started taking a nose dive. Now in her second year and things were still going downhill and on top of everything, her mental health decided to join the party. We were clueless about where to find a helping hand with the NHS being no help at all and the school unable to offer any ongoing support. Things were getting pretty bad, and we found ourselves sitting in front of a child psychiatrist. Then guess what? Phoebe gets diagnosed with ADHD! We were all so shocked that we couldn't help but burst into laughter. Our laid-back, chilled little daydreamer. It was like a plot twist in a film, and for a moment, it felt like we had all just been freed from a heavy burden.

So having ADHD might not sound like a big deal but, for poor Pheebs, it was like a rollercoaster. School was a sensory overload nightmare for her - sounds, touches, smells, everything was cranked up all the time. And then, to top it off, her teachers were like, "Come on, Phoebe, just try a little harder!" or "If you'd just pay attention, you'd be fine!" She reached year 9 and it was clear she had nothing left in the tank. We visited a local private school at this point who unfortunately were full in the year groups we were looking at. Running out of places to turn to and being in a state of crisis, we decided to take a bold leap of faith and officially withdrew her from the traditional school setup, embracing the exciting, and little bit daunting, journey of home education instead.

Luckily at this point, we discovered an amazing local home-education community. Phoebe joined a group dedicated to Maths and English GCSE learning, where she could thrive alongside fellow teenagers who had found themselves in the same boat and forge new friendships. Not only that, but this incredible resource provided top-notch online learning opportunities with expert tutors with no pressure to enter an over-stimulating classroom. We even secured one of their dedicated home tutors for personalised 1:1 sessions every week. We felt truly supported and empowered at the beginning of our journey.

This was all the worst timing for Floss! Just as she was excited to join the school and be able to hang out with her big sister, this happened. It was like a whirlwind hit her and suddenly we were witnessing some serious behaviour issues. She was skipping classes, challenging teachers, and she even managed to pull off the ultimate prank of setting off the school fire alarm, causing a whole-school evacuation and seeing her suspended during her first term. Floss has always been a little firecracker, but never a troublemaker, this was a whole new level. Off we went back to the psychiatrist and lo and behold, she also got an ADHD diagnosis.

We began to explore more private schools in our area and after some extensive detective work, we found a promising candidate. However, our hopes were dashed when a disastrous school tour and a taster day that even Floss the fearless refused to participate in made it clear that our journey was far from over.

So back we were in the hamster wheel of chaos. It required a huge effort from all of us. I was trying to juggle it all, retain some normalcy in the home, while also facilitating the learning of pre-GCSE subjects. We started using extra tutors to try and re-ignite the learning passion and enthusiasm for Phoebe. We had endless meetings with school staff, striving to unleash the hidden superstar we all knew was within Floss.

She just couldn’t catch a break, no matter how hard we were all trying to cheer her on. The school's behaviour policy seemed to have a personal vendetta against her, leading to a never-ending cycle of detentions and inclusions. The teachers, us and Floss were all at our wits' end. She was giving it her all, but just couldn't quite nail it. This was taking her to the brink of exhaustion, gradually making it harder and harder for her to attend at all.

As negative as both their school experiences have been, it is really important to say that they both made some incredible connections and encountered teachers who will forever be remembered for the positive impact they had. As a teacher who (previously) valued a school education, it's truly an enormous shame that the system seems to be failing them. The rigid curriculum doesn't leave much room for individuality and creativity to shine. Unless a child fits a specific mould or has a certain number of recognised medical conditions, it's hard to get the support they need.

Embarking on one final push down a new path, we explored open events at several private schools nearby. With Phoebe gearing up for her GCSEs, we embraced a "now or never" mindset. Among them, a standout school caught our eye, prompting us to organise yet another set of exciting taster days. We were hopeful and caught a glimpse of a promising light at the end of our very long tunnel.

The taster days turned out to be a real flop once more. Poor Phoebe was really feeling the heat this time. It was like someone dimmed the lights on our grand plans, leaving us scratching our heads (and crying into our pillows). To help with the explanation and validation of how difficult things have been, a few weeks later, Phoebe got hit with a double whammy - a diagnosis of autism on top of her ADHD.

Feeling like a square peg in a round hole, we’re at a point where we feel like we don't belong anywhere. Mainstream education isn't working if we want our kids to come out with an ounce of self-esteem, their needs aren't considered significant enough for specialist provision and the private schools we’ve tried are a no-go.

We really were teetering on the edge by this point. Despite my best efforts to stay positive throughout this journey, I found myself slowly losing that spark. It got to the point where I couldn't even get out of bed - feeling completely and utterly drained, both emotionally and mentally.

This is where Dan’s lightbulb moment came in. Why not take the kiddos on a wild adventure of world-schooling? If we’re going to stick at the home-education, why not take geography class in Brazil and stay in the Amazon jungle, history can be trekking Macchu Pichu, and science, could that be done on a tropical beach? Let’s keep at the home-ed vibe but make the world our classroom.

We are now slowly feeling back to our usual energy levels, busy planning and ready to embrace the challenges. Our children deserve all the credit for this - having them all has been the best and biggest learning experience for us. They are teaching us that adventures can be achieved! We are all now looking forward to making the most of this incredible path that lies ahead.